


we are nothing (if you don’t trust me)

by conceptreality



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:54:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29659950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptreality/pseuds/conceptreality
Summary: Kara sleeps with her best friend and she’s afraid that it will destroy their friendship. After a misunderstanding that leads to a fight, they start a friends with benefits relationship. Kara quickly realizes that she wants more but she has to fight her own insecurities first.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 26
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story about people making bad choices until they see the right one. Kara will act like an idiot at first but she will understand later. What I’m trying to say is that there is going to be angst, misunderstandings and fights. There is also fluff and smut but I just wanted to give a warning about the angst.

They are hanging out together like most Friday nights. Sometimes Kara stays over and they can spend the next day together too. She certainly hopes that this will be the case tonight. They are at Lena’s apartment after they went out for dinner. Lena looks soft and tired and she’s exactly what Kara wants to see when she will wake up the next day.

“Do you want more wine?” Lena asks like she isn’t already on her way to open another bottle.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

She comes back with a bottle and some snacks that she knows that Kara likes. They ate less than two hours ago and it’s obvious that she didn’t bring them for herself. Lena is the most caring person that she has ever met, no matter what everyone else says.

“Is everything okay?” Kara asks because she noticed that Lena is more quiet that usual.

“Nothing, just work.”

“I thought you liked your new position.” Lena finished her PhD two months ago and started working full time at the R&D department of her family company.

“It’s just my brother. He lets me do whatever I want and I’m grateful for that. However, there are some things that I don’t like. It’s hard to explain,” she says and she looks really worried. Kara is glad that at least she shares things that are important to her. She can’t imagine Lena doing that when they first became friends.

“You never noticed anything before?”

“All these years, since our father passed, I never spent so much time there. We collaborated on some projects but now it’s different. I’m the head of a department, I’m there every day.”

“I think that whatever it is, you’ll find a solution. You are so smart Lena,” Kara laughs.

Lena smiles and Kara can swear that there is a small blush on her face. It’s really unfair how good-looking Lena is. Kara has never seen anyone as beautiful as her.

“I hope so.”

“Hey, don’t look so sad. We can talk about it more or we can do something else. Whatever you want,” Kara says and she reaches for her hand. There must be something that she can do to make Lena feel better.

“We can forget about it and drink more wine,” Lena says.

Kara has to admit that it sounds like a terrible plan. But it’s Friday, they deserve to relax. So, they somehow finish the second bottle without paying attention to it. They talk about everything and nothing, people, food, places. It doesn’t matter, just being this close to Lena makes everything so exciting.

The wine has made Kara’s head feel funny. They are so close that their thighs are touching and they are holding hands again. Did they ever stop?

“So, what did you said to him?” Lena asks when Kara tells her that Mike texted her again.

“That I’m not interested anymore.”

“Oh,” Lena sounds like she didn’t expect it. The truth is that Kara has been on and off with Mike for quite some time now.

“Look, I didn’t feel about him the way he felt about me and I know that I’ll probably never find someone as hot as him but it was time to let him go.” It wasn’t an easy decision for Kara because she hates making others feel bad.

“What?” Lena asks with a playful smirk on her face.

“It was time to do it. I know that I told you exactly the same last time but now-“

“No, I mean,” Lena doesn’t let her finish her sentence, “you are like way hotter than Mike. You can have anyone you want. Trust me.”

In the years that they have been friends, Lena has dated both guys and girls. No one has been around for long though. But she had never made a comment like that. Kara didn’t even consider that her friend would even find her remotely attractive.

Maybe it’s the wine that causes Kara’s next words or the color of Lena’s cheeks.

“You think I’m hot?”

Lena looks at her like she said the most unconceivable thing that she has ever heard. And then she starts laughing. Not a lot, just a few seconds but they are enough to cut Kara so deep. Why she just said that? Lena didn’t mean that she’s hot, she just said that she’s hotter than Mike who she probably finds just as mediocre. It’s impossible that Lena would ever think that Kara is attractive and now she’s laughing at her like her whole existence is a joke.

Kara can still leave, she can’t sleep here like that. It will be easy to find an excuse and call an uber. The moment she’s ready to stand up from the couch, a gentle hand cups her cheek. It stops every plan Kara had about moving.

“I’m sorry darling, I didn’t want to make you feel bad. I think both of us had too much to drink.” it’s reassuring but Kara still refuses to meet Lena’s eyes. They are locked in the other side of the room since Lena started laughing. “This came out wrong. I didn’t mean to laugh at you.”

“It’s okay,” Kara says and she wishes she could make her own voice sound less pathetic.

“It was just funny that you didn’t know.” It’s only now that Kara realizes how soft Lena’s voice is, how much she’s trying.

“I didn’t know what?”

“That I think you are beautiful Kara,” Lena says and only then Kara turns her face slightly and all she sees is green.

Lena sounds honest and she’s so focused on Kara. Her lips are so close to Kara’s face and she wonders how they would feel. Lena probably knows that she’s staring. She can blame it on the wine later.

Lena moves closer out of nowhere and now she’s just inches from Kara’s face. This can’t be happening. Because Lena couldn’t possibly want to kiss her. But if she wants, who is Kara to stop her.

Now, it’s certainly the wine because Kara has never been so brave. She closes what distance is left and kisses Lena. It’s soft and slow and perfect. Her heart is beating so fast.

She can feel Lena smiling and probably she is too. She can’t tell. All she can think is Lena. Kara places her hands on Lena’s waist and she wishes she could feel the skin under her shirt. Lena deepens the kiss and now her tongue is in Kara’s mouth. She has thought about this happening, not that she has ever admitted it to anyone. It was a thought that belonged to lonely nights and even more lonely days. Something that could never be.

Now, that it does, suddenly Kara can’t stop herself. She pulls Lena closer and she bites her lip. A sound escapes Lena’s mouth that is dirtier than everything she had imagined because it’s real. Kara wants her, Kara wants her so much. Without even realizing it, she’s pushing Lena on her back and climbs on top of her.

That was a mistake because now they are staring at each other.

“Are you sure?” Lena asks and she’s nothing like Kara expected. She seems almost scared of Kara’s answer.

Kara feels shy all of sudden. She just kissed her best friend who is now asking her what to do.

“We can just go to bed Kara.”

Bed. This word doesn’t help Kara’s situation because bed can mean a lot of things. The thing is that it’s late, she’s tired and the bed would be more comfortable.

“The bed sounds nice.”

She takes Lena’s hand and they go to the bedroom that Kara has slept so many times. They are already in comfortable clothes so when Lena sits on the bed, Kara kisses her.

Lena freezes and Kara stops. Oh, maybe Lena doesn’t want that to happen again.

“I thought you wanted to sleep…”

Now Kara wants to disappear. “I’m sorry,” is all she manages to say.

“Don’t be,” Lena says, “I prefer that too.” Lena kisses her then, so deep that she takes Kara’s breath away. She pushes her down on the bed, straddling her.

Kara reluctantly touches the skin under her t-shirt. Lena is soft and warm and Kara wants to feel all of her. This isn’t a thought that friends have for each other and it would make Kara anxious about tomorrow if she could process anything at the moment. Because Lena’s body is all over her and the wine is still making everything blurry.

Lena leaves kisses on her neck and she’s completely on top of her. Kara moves her hips upwards when the need gets unbearable. She knows that Lena notices because she feels her smile on her lips. She shouldn’t have done that.

Her embarrassment must have been obvious because Lena stops and searches her face for something. She’s sweet and caring and it breaks Kara’s mind because Lena wants her. Her best friend who is probably the most beautiful girl she has ever seen, kissed her.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lena asks with the softest voice Kara has ever heard.

“Yeah,” Kara is trying to catch her breath, “I’m sorry… I’m just a little…”

“Turned on?” Lena’s smile gets wider and if she wanted to make it teasing it isn’t. It is sincere in a way Kara didn’t expect. When Kara doesn’t answer Lena continues. “We can do something about it… if you want,” she says as she reaches down to stroke Kara’s thigh. Kara’s hips move again on their own and Lena seems really happy about Kara’s reaction.

“I’ve never…” It would be amazing to do something about it but Kara could never be enough for Lena. She’s never had sex with a girl and she isn’t even that experienced with guys while Lena… Well, Lena has dated many people and she couldn’t possibly be interested in her boring best friend.

“I know Kara,” she pecks her lips, “I don’t care about that. I just want to make you feel good and then we can go to sleep. Or you know… we can stop now or kiss some more and go to sleep. Whatever you want.” It’s weird to hear her usually confident best friend being usure of her words. “What I’m trying to say is that we don’t have to do everything the first time.” Oh, that means that Lena thinks there is going to be a second time.

Lena’s eyes are so soft and kind and she’s looking at Kara like she’s something important. Kara can’t continue to stare at them.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says as she quickly moves to her side. “I don’t know where this came from.” She’s sitting on the bed and has her arms wrapped around her legs, pushing them to her chest. It’s like she’s trying to make herself small. Lena Luthor disappeared and left behind someone else, a girl that looks fragile and usure of herself. “I shouldn’t have assumed. I really hope this doesn’t change our… friendship. I can’t- “

“No, Lena! You didn’t,” Kara doesn’t let her finish. She can’t let her best friend feel bad about what she started. “I want you to…”

“You want me?” Lena asks and there is so much surprise in her voice.

“Yes.”

Lena moves closer and leans on her elbows over Kara. She smiles and kisses Kara again, this time is slower and sweet. Her hand is again on Kara’s thigh, stroking the bare skin. It gets too much, too soon and Kara can’t stop the moan that escapes her mouth. Green eyes are looking at her like it’s the first time they see her.

She expected Lena to be rough and quick but she takes her time. She tugs at her shorts as she bites her lip. Kara nods and looks away, it’s impossible to look at Lena as she undresses her. But Lena stops and takes her own shirt off.

Kara wants to be respectful but it’s impossible to stop herself from staring. Lena wears a simple black bra, clearly not expecting that anyone is going to see it. She has seen Lena in a bikini before and probably in her bra at some point but it’s different now that she’s so close, now that Lena has kissed her so sweet.

“You can touch,” Lena says in a low voice.

Kara reluctantly moves her hand from Lena’s back, touching lightly the side of her bra. Lena tries to take Kara’s shorts off but a hand at her wrist stops her. She moves immediately her hand away looking apologetic almost embarrassed. Before she blames herself one more time, Kara explains.

“I… didn’t know that this was going to happen today so…”

It’s clear when Lena understands what Kara means because she smiles and kisses her again. She’s trying to say that it’s okay, that she doesn’t care.

“We can always stop if you want. I want you to feel comfortable. But I don’t care about that.”

Kara doesn’t answer, she only tries to take her shorts and underwear off. Lena helps her out of it. So, this is happening, they are going to have sex. She’s half naked under her best friend. Kara is excited and so nervous. They start kissing again and only when Kara tries to find some relief by moving her hips, Lena finally touches her.

It’s nothing at first, just her hand being there. She’s looking at Kara like she can’t believe that this is happening. Kara is so wet and now Lena knows, she doesn’t say anything about it though, one more thing that she didn’t expect. She probably isn’t used at seeing her friend like that. But Kara has to admit that there is something else there too, there is affection, she cares about her even if the sex doesn’t mean anything.

When Lena starts with small circles, Kara moans again and this time it’s less embarrassing. Lena has sensed her anxiety and it’s obvious that she’s trying to soothe her. Kara realizes that no one has ever touched her like that. She’s so gentle that Kara could cry. She presses her other hand on her cheek and then she moves it through her hair.

Her eyes are glued to Kara’s face, absorbing every sound. It’s impossible to not think that this means something to Lena. They should have probably talked about it before because it certainly means something to Kara. Lena slowly puts two fingers inside of her and after giving her a moment to make sure that Kara is ready, she starts moving them.

It’s slow but deep and it hits just the right spot. Kara loses herself in her eyes and after some minutes she doesn’t know exactly what Lena does. She can feel her on her clit, she can feel her inside and it suddenly travels all through her body taking her breath away. She only stops when Kara tells her.

Lena hugs her tight and lies on top of her, her head on Kara’s neck. She leaves a small kiss there and for some time the only thing that Kara hears it’s them breathing.

When Lena shifts on her side, she smiles like she’s the one who just had an orgasm. If Kara can trace arousal in her eyes, Lena tries not to show it. She has her arms around Kara, holding her there. Kara feels safe and calm and loved in a way that she shouldn’t. She has never slept in another person’s arms. She has only slept next to someone, next to her ex and next to Lena. But all these times she was in the same bed with her best friend she wished she was in her arms.

“How are you?” She can see the vulnerability behind Lena’s question. They have to talk soon. Maybe Lena doesn’t want to be with Kara but she can’t deny that her friend could be anxious about the relationship. Now, it isn’t the right time. The wine and the sex have made them sleepy.

“S’ good.”

Lena pulls her closer and kisses her cheek. She’s so tired that her eyes are closing but she manages to form a question.

“And you? I know I didn’t…” Lena said that they don’t have to do everything tonight and the thought of trying to touch a girl for the first time when she’s so drunk and sleepy seems like a terrible idea.

“I’m good, just want to sleep,” Lena reassures her with one more kiss.

Kara doesn’t want to leave Lena’s bed ever again but she has to go to the bathroom. She forces herself to untangle herself from her friend and leaves the room.

She sees her toothbrush there next to Lena’s before leaving and remembers to brush her teeth. She always has one at Lena’s because they do sleepovers all the time.

Some uncomfortable thoughts come to her mind, stories that Lena herself has told her about how she always tries to find excuses to not sleep with someone after having sex. She was fighting a lot with her ex, James, about that. Could Lena kick her out? No, she wouldn’t do that, she’s always happy to have Kara sleep in her bed, having sex wouldn’t change that.

She forgets about it when she goes back to Lena’s bedroom. She’s sitting on the bed waiting for her. When Kara gets comfortable close to Lena, there is an awkward silence between them. She doesn’t know if Lena wants to cuddle or if she wants her space. Kara reaches for her hand and when Lena squeezes her back, Kara pulls her closer till her head is on Kara’s chest. Lena shifts them after a while and Kara is on her side and Lena spoons her.

When Kara opens her eyes, Lena is still so close to her, her face on Kara’s neck. She has never felt this comfortable with anyone else before, Lena isn’t another person in her personal space, it’s like she belongs there. Kara feels so safe when Lena holds her. She turns and faces Lena who opens her eyes. She’s so cute like that, sleepy and with a smile on her face. In all these years that Kara knows her she hasn’t seen her smile like that, ever.

“Hi,” Lena says.

“Hi.”

They snuggle for a while, Lena holds her so tight like she’s afraid that Kara will get up and leave. She feels Lena’s lips on her shoulder and a small kiss.

“Let me make you breakfast,” Lena says. It’s not unusual for Lena to make breakfast but her tone is sweeter than usual. She kisses Kara and leaves the bed that seems so empty and cold all of a sudden.

Now without the wine in her head, Kara can finally think. So, she had sex with her best friend and they have to address the issue. Lena was not what Kara expected, she was gentle and loving. But they are best friends, they love each other. That doesn’t mean that Lena wants to date her or something. And even if she wanted, it wouldn’t work. Lena may be a great friend but she is the worst girlfriend. Everyone she has ever dated ended up heartbroken. James didn’t show up for any group activity when Lena was there for three months.

She had a really messy dating life. She left Jack for Andrea or it was Andrea for Sam. It’s all very confusing because she dated on and off a lot of people. It was like everyone would come back to her no matter what she did. Kara can’t blame them though, she’s gorgeous and after one night with her, she’s impossible to forget.

It was always difficult to connect the person in her stories with the person in front of her. Lena is kind with everyone, not just Kara. All of their friends like her. And while Kara would never judge her for the things she does in her personal life, she has to protect herself. She has also to protect their friendship because she can’t continue without Lena in her life. While the idea of dating Lena is something that would make Kara happy, something she never dared to dream, the reality is much different. Lena is attracted to Kara somehow and she loves her as a friend. This is a fact. What it is also a fact is that she has dated people for less. So, there is a possibility that they will start dating and then inevitably, Lena will get bored of her.

Kara finds one of her sweaters in a drawer and joins Lena in the kitchen. The smell of coffee is in the air and Lena is making pancakes. Kara loves their mornings together, they make her feel like herself. She can’t fully enjoy it though, these questions burn under her skin.

“I think we should talk about it,” Kara says after eating her first pancake.

“We should,” she says and she stares at her plate.

“Last night was… great.”

“Oh,” she meets Kara’s eyes, “it was great for me too.”

“But,” Kara takes a deep breathe because she doesn’t know how to say the next words. “I don’t want to let what happened ruin our friendship.” They can get over what happened. What they won’t get over is months of heartbreak. At least Kara won’t. “I’m just worried.”

“Okay.” She averts her gaze again.

“I’m worried about our friendship. I mean things have happened and I don’t want them to happen to me, to us.”

Lena frowns.

“What things?” Lena asks and she seems hurt, her smile gone.

Maybe this is a mistake, she can still take it back.

Lena is waiting for an answer however and Kara can’t force her mind to work properly. It’s like every ugly thought and feeling she ever had, materialize before her eyes.

“What you usually do would destroy our friendship.”

“What I usually do?” Lena raises her voice.

“You don’t do relationships and when you do it’s a mess.” Kara immediately understands that what she just said doesn’t sound right. It has some truth in it but there are others ways to say it.

“When did you became the expert in relationships?” The irony is clear in her voice. Lena knows that Kara feels insecure about her lack of experience. “I don’t remember you ever having a successful one.”

Yes, because she only had one real relationship in her whole life and it didn’t go well. She’s nothing, a failure and Lena will leave her.

“What? I’m not but I’m trustworthy.”

“And I’m not?”

She is! If something happened to Kara, Lena would be the first person to tell. Lena knows everything about her life, her dreams, her fears, her secrets. She could talk to her about absolutely anything and Lena would never judge her. Kara trusts her but fuck, there is this one thing that she can’t. Because Lena moves from one person to the next like it’s the easiest thing in the world. While Kara clings to people with everything she has.

“At least I don’t change boyfriends every week.” The words are forming and she can’t stop them. She immediately wants to take them back.

Lena stands up and turns around immediately, like she can’t even look at Kara.

“This is what you think of me?” Lena asks and her voice is low, broken, nothing like a moment before, like it wasn’t meant to be said out loud. She starts to walk away.

“No, Lena of course not. I was trying to say that we have to be careful.” Kara quickly follows her and puts her hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.” Kara takes her hand away and Lena goes to her bedroom and closes the door with a loud noise.

This is exactly what she was trying to avoid and she managed to achieve it all by herself. Lena was cute and happy and she made her sad. She doesn’t deserve this, she did nothing wrong. Kara should have said something else but nothing could have prepared her for Lena’s reaction. Could Lena be interested in dating Kara and that’s why she acted like that? No, she’s not heartbroken, Kara insulted her.

“Lena, please I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

If Kara sounds desperate, she doesn’t care. “Open the door so we can talk about it.”

Lena doesn’t answer so after some minutes Kara tries again.

“I’m sorry Lena… I’m an idiot, you are my best friend. It was a misunderstanding.”

Kara sits on the couch and waits but nothing happens. It would probably help to give Lena some space right now. The thing is that she can’t leave, the clothes she was wearing yesterday and the others that she keeps at Lena’s house are in the bedroom. She can’t go out in shorts and a sweater.

“I’ll go, if this is what you want, just let me take my clothes.”

She hears the sound of a door opening and Kara walks to the bedroom. The room is still in the dark because they never opened the curtains and Lena sits on her bed. Kara finds her clothes and decides to change in the living room.

Lena comes closer all of a sudden. Her eyes are red and Kara’s heart break because she made her favorite person cry.

“Who do you think you are?” Lena says with a voice so mean that makes Kara shiver, a voice she has never heard in all these years that they are friends. “I fuck you once and you think you can have an opinion on my life.” Kara can trace the hurt between the harsh words. It doesn’t make it less painful though. It’s like she sees the Lena that others have told her about, the one she never believed that exists.

“It all came out wrong.” Kara tries to explain. It’s pointless, her Lena is nowhere to be found. Kara wants to cry.

“I just thought that you of all people…”

Lena doesn’t finish her sentence.

Kara decides that it’s time to go. Lena won’t listen to her now. She gets dressed in the living room and gets out of Lena’s apartment as fast as she can. There are already tears in her eyes and she doesn’t want to cry on the bus. She has money for a cab and it’s not like she’s going to need them tonight. There is no way she’ll go out with the others after what happened.

She barely holds back her tears during the ride. The moment she enters her apartment, she breaks. She is loud and her breathing is irregular as the sobs come out. It’s impossible to calm down. She takes off her clothes and she is ready to get in the shower when she takes a look at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are red, her blonde hair is a mess. She never bothered to fix it today. She runs her hands through her body. All the places that Lena touched. Her hands that Lena held with so much affection, her belly and her waist that Lena had her arms around them all night, her neck that Lena had buried her face. She touches lightly herself between her legs. Lena touched her there too.

The shower becomes very unappealing all of a sudden. She doesn’t want to wash Lena off her skin. It’s pathetic. What’s actually more pathetic is what she does next. She searches for Lena’s clothes. Everything is in the same drawer and Kara realizes that she has washed everything already.

There is sweatshirt hanging around in her room. It isn’t actually Lena’s but Lena is the one who always wears it and it has been there since a week ago that Lena was here. Kara puts it on her bare skin and pulls the zipper up. She also finds a pair of panties and then she lies on her bed. She doesn’t know how long she stays like that, hugging herself in the soft fabric. It gives her a strange comfort that it was on Lena a week ago.

As the situation gets more clear in her head, she hates herself more. How could she be such an asshole to her best friend? To Lena, who has always treated her with respect. She shouldn’t have said those things.

Her phone rings and Kara doesn’t feel like talking. She forces herself to reach for it. It’s Alex. She answers because they have plans later and it’s easier to talk to her now and cancel than having to call at some point.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Kara.”

“How are you?”

“Why you sound like that?” Her sister asks and Kara hadn’t realized that her mood is so obvious over the phone.

“It’s nothing. I… I actually don’t feel so well, so I wanted to tell you that I’m not coming tonight.”

“Now, there’s certainly something wrong with you.”

Kara doesn’t respond. She can’t tell her sister about what happened because she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about these things with her. Now, that she’s thinking about it there is no one she wants to talk to. She usually talks to Lena when she has a problem with something but that’s not an option.

“How was date night?” Alex asks when Kara doesn’t speak. It’s a stupid joke that she always makes and Kara always hates it but today she wants to scream at her sister for even mentioning the word date. Okay, they spend every Friday night together unless one of them isn’t in the city and they usually have a sleepover and yes, they have said no every time someone else have asked them to join. Kara still remembers that Friday that Alex made her go out with her and the girl she was dating because they wanted to celebrate something. Of course, Kara brought Lena with her but still, it was so annoying. Alex could have waited till Saturday.

“We are not dating Alex.” She always gives her sister the same answer. This time it hurts more. Does she want to date Lena? No, she can’t go there. Maybe in a parallel universe where Lena is someone she could trust, she would try. In this universe however Lena changes boyfriends and girlfriends every few months. It’s safer to be her best friend, this way she can keep her in her life forever.

Her tone must have been harsher than usual because Alex stops the teasing.

“Okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I had a fight with Lena,” Kara says as she tries to keep a sob inside.

“Oh Kara,” her voice softens, “I’m sure you guys are going to be fine.”

“No, you don’t understand I said something to her, something rude and mean.” She doesn’t want to say exactly what happened.

“Did she do something to you?” Alex protectiveness is clear in her voice. She sounds like she’s ready to fight Lena.

“No, no, Lena would never. She’s… she’s perfect.” She didn’t mean to say that but there is no better word to describe Lena.

“Okay, I don’t know what kind of gay drama this is but I think you should apologize if you believe this is your fault.” This is where usually Kara would say that there is nothing gay between her and Lena. The thing is that what happened last night was definitely very gay.

“I tried but she didn’t want to hear it.”

“Give her some time,” Alex says, “and then you can do something nice for her.”

For the first time ever, her sister’s advice seems solid. She has to give Lena some time. Then she will apologize and Lena hopefully will forgive her. They are best friends for years, Lena can’t stay mad forever.

“I’ll do that. Maybe I could take her somewhere nice. No, I actually think we would be more comfortable at home. I could make her favorite dinner and oh, I could buy flowers and chocolates and wine. Maybe I could also make a card that says how sorry I am and how much I love her.” She’s rumbling and she knows it. It seems like a good plan though.

“I can’t believe what I’m listening right now. Look Kara, I’m sure you are going to be fine. You literally spend every second of your free time together and when you are not, you’re texting. She’ll come around.”

“Thank you, Alex, that was more helpful than I expected.”

“So, you are not coming tonight?”

“I want to stay home.” She’s better now but she doesn’t feel like going out. Also, there is always the possibility that Lena will show up tonight and they can’t be around their friends before discussing their situation first.

“If this is what you want. I have to go now, Sam just arrived.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah, we are all going out later. Remember?” Their plans are in three hours. Sam is Lena’s ex and she doesn’t usually go out with the rest of them. They saw her more when she was dating Lena. It’s been more than two years since they broke up and Kara can’t say that she missed her. There was something about her that she didn’t like. Maybe it was how she was looking at her and Lena, like she was trying to find something. Why Alex wants to hang out with her all of a sudden?

“Have fun Alex,” she says because she isn’t going to get any answers now anyway.

“Thank you, bye.”

There is certainly hope. Lena has to forgive her. She didn’t do something bad, she only said something in a way that insulted Lena and there was some truth in what she said. If they continued to sleep together without setting any boundaries, they would destroy their friendship. It had happened in the past, with Lena and other friends.

Kara wants to invite Lena to her place tomorrow. But tomorrow is too soon, Lena needs time. It has to be next Friday, Friday is their day. Lena won’t say no.

She wears Lena’s sweatshirt till Sunday night when she decides that she’s disgusting and she has to shower. Every other time she had sex, she wanted to shower right afterwards.

Kara starts planning their dinner. She has so much free time this week anyway because she won’t meet Lena for lunch. They always do that two or three times a week and it hurts that it doesn’t happen. She feels empty like there is nothing inside of her except hope that Lena may forgive her.

She’s trying to write a message to send to Lena and it’s more complicated than she expected. It has to be something more than ‘Lena I’m sorry, please come back’. Her job is to write things and now she doesn’t seem capable of writing a simple sentence.

After many attempts during her breaks at work, she writes something decent enough.

_I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I did it because I was afraid of losing you. I can’t imagine my life without you. Please come at my place, Friday at 8 and give me a chance to explain._

It sounds desperate. If she should be ashamed for it, she isn’t. She has to make it okay, she has to make Lena understand that her own insecurities made her say those words.

She sends the message on Wednesday and by Thursday when Lena hasn’t answered yet, Kara starts to panic. She will cook and prepare everything anyway. She buys a wine that Lena likes, not her favorite of course because she can’t afford it. It crosses her mind to put it on her credit card but she quickly decides that it doesn’t matter, it won’t make a difference to Lena. She buys flowers and chocolates and she realizes that people do that when they visit someone, not when they expect someone at their home. She will have to find the right moment to give them to her.

The truth is that in the end all these things don’t matter. The main reason she does them is to keep her mind occupied. The possibility that Lena won’t show up is very real and she will go crazy if she doesn’t have anything else to do.

She has everything ready by 7:30 and then she waits. She starts watching Netflix so she won’t die from anxiety but she can’t pay attention. By 8:30 her hopes have started to disappear. Lena is never late, at least when they have plans together, Kara isn’t sure if this is something she generally does. What if Lena doesn’t show up? What if the things that she said hurt her so much that she doesn’t want to be friends with Kara again? What she is supposed to do with the rest of her life without Lena?

When she hears the bell, she practically jumps off the couch. She sees Lena for a brief moment on the screen and presses the button that unlocks the door downstairs. Her heart feels like it’s going to get out of her chest. She has missed seeing her friend so much. There have been other times that she hasn’t seen Lena for 7 days when they had other obligations. It mostly happened when one of them wasn’t in National City. But all these other times they texted and talked on the phone a lot.

She opens the door and waits for the elevator. She has to remind herself to keep breathing as it comes closer to her floor. The door of the elevator opens and Lena is walking towards Kara. She looks amazing as always, she must have passed by her place to change after work. Her black hair is down and straight, she wears jeans and a shirt that is far too casual for work.

“Hi,” Kara says. It sounds weird like she was keeping her breathe and she probably was.

Lena nods in acknowledgment. She won’t even talk to her. They usually hug for at least 30 seconds, not that Kara counts them. It’s just that her sister always says so. Now they stand there and it hurts. Kara remembers that she is supposed to let Lena in so she takes a step backwards and closes the door behind her.

“Thank you for coming,” Kara says.

“I’m sorry that I’m late but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come.”

Oh, she didn’t want to come. Kara feels tears behind her eyes but she tries to control herself. The important thing is that Lena is here. She doesn’t have any expression on her face, she’s frozen. Kara knows her well enough to see that she’s hurt and that this is a mask that has never been used on Kara.

They sit on the couch, as far away from each other as possible. Lena fidgets with her hands and doesn’t even look at her. They have to talk now, all the things that Kara prepared have to wait for later. If Lena stays.

“Lena, I’m sorry,” Kara starts, “I truly mean that.” She has practiced her speech all week and now her mind is completely blank like she forgot what a sentence is. “I insulted you and I was an idiot. I was just so afraid of… of losing you.”

Lena finally looks at Kara.

“You weren’t going to lose me,” her voice is louder than usual and full of emotion. Kara doesn’t know how to feel about this information. Everything was fine and she hurt Lena.

Kara can’t stop herself from asking the next question. “What about now?”

“I’m here. Aren’t I?”

She’s angry.

“Yes, but you can barely look at me.”

“If I was to stop talking to everyone who said something rude about my personal life, I wouldn’t have anyone left. I just need some time.”

This somehow makes Kara feel even worse because now she’s like all the others who treated Lena like shit. Lena’s brother had called her names and made fun of her, when they were younger for dating both guys and girls. She had girlfriends calling her too straight and boyfriends calling her too gay and that’s only the comments about her sexuality. She has heard many times that she has dated too many people. Kara did exactly the same and it’s worse coming from her because Lena trusted her and that’s why she had told her all these things in the first place. It’s like Kara took all of her worse fears and insecurities and threw them at her face.

“Thank you for being here. You have to believe me when I say I’m sorry. I don’t know why but I thought that you would leave me and I panicked.”

“Have I ever done anything to you that made you think that I would leave you?” She asks like she can’t even conceive the possibility of that happening.

“No, it was my fault. I couldn’t think, I was just afraid.” When Lena doesn’t say anything, she adds. “I don’t think that there is something wrong with you or with the way you do stuff.”

“Then why you said it?” She raises her voice all the frustration is clear in her face. “I never thought that you, fuck, you are my best friend. I never thought that you of all people. Only you didn’t call me a slut.”

“I…” Kara wants to say that she didn’t, she can’t even think of the word Lena used. But maybe that’s exactly what she did, so she doesn’t say anything. “If you want to know why, I can try to explain. It’s not an excuse, it’s just what happened and maybe you won’t like it.”

“I can take it.”

“I just don’t want us to stop being friends.”

“Kara, you are an idiot. We won’t stop being friends.”

Kara has never been more relieved about anything in her whole life. Lena will stay. She was the worst but Lena still wants to be friends with her.

“Really?” Kara asks with a huge smile on her face. She can’t control it, she can’t will herself to stop because Lena will be in her life. It kind of breaks Lena’s cold appearance because she offers a small smile.

“Yeah.”

“That’s why I said it. Because I thought that you wouldn’t want to be my friend after what happened. Not necessarily from that one time, but maybe if it would happen more times.”

“You thought that I would leave you because we had sex.” It’s not a question, Lena just states it. She averts her gaze. Her next words come out far more desperate. “Why?”

Kara would blush at the mention of sex any other time. She can’t when Lena looks so sad like she is disappointed with something.

“You have to understand that because we are friends, we know details about each other lives that people who date or have sex don’t know. That night, before I came back to bed, I thought that you would kick me out.”

“What?”

A part of her regrets telling Lena all these things because she looks so hurt right now and she doesn’t deserve this. Kara continues anyway because Lena asked for the truth.

“One year ago, you were telling me how you kept leaving James’ house in the middle of the night. It wasn’t only with him, you have mentioned something similar about pretty much every person you…”

“But I always wanted _you_ in my bed,” Lena says and clenches her eyes shut, “I mean… you know what I mean. You were always welcome to sleep in my apartment.”

Maybe it sounded weird to say ‘in my bed’ like that. It was the truth though. Kara slept over all the time and she never slept anywhere else but Lena’s bed and Lena never seemed to mind. She looked like she enjoyed the company.

“I know! It was just a thought. I understood that I was being stupid and I came back to bed. The next day I started thinking about what happened again and then I don’t know-“

“You insulted me because you felt insecure,” Lena doesn’t let her finish. “You made it sound like I would ruin our friendship, like it would only be my fault if it happened.”

Kara tries to stop her hands from pushing her glasses on her face. She’s been doing that for the last five minutes and she just realized it because it hurts.

“I did,” Kara admits, “but I didn’t mean it and I’m sorry.” She knows how defeated she sounds. Lena takes a better look at her.

“Okay, I believe you.”

“Thank you.” Kara smiles again. They are going to be okay, Lena still wants to be her friend despite the awful things she said. “It was like my mind was playing tricks on me. I wasn’t myself and I made a mistake.”

“I just can’t understand,” Lena says as she runs her hand through her black hair, “what I did wrong.” It breaks Kara’s heart that Lena blames herself even when it’s Kara’s fault.

“Nothing, Lena.” Kara moves a little closer to her friend and reaches for her hand. “Friends have misunderstandings and friends fight sometimes.” Lena turns her hand around to hold Kara’s and this simple gesture gives Kara so much hope.

When no one talks for a few minutes and the comfortable silence that usually comes isn’t here, Kara remembers that she has planned for this.

“I’ve cooked dinner. Chicken and other green stuff you like. Actually, it’s crispy chicken and I hope it isn’t too cold right now. I put it in the oven because you were late. Not that I mind that you were late. I’m just saying-“

“Kara, it’s okay.”

Kara leads them to the table and opens the bottle of wine. Lena notices the bottle but she doesn’t comment on it. Usually, Kara has beer or a cheaper wine.

“So, what did you do all week?” Lena asks.

 _Missing you_ Kara wants to tell her.

“Work was kind of boring. I didn’t get anything interesting. What about you?”

The usual warmth that surrounds even their most casual conversations isn’t here. 

“The project that I’m working on is going fine. I’m still worried about my brother though.”

It’s only after dinner that Kara brings them closer to where they were before their fight.

“It’s nothing important but I got you something,” Kara says.

Lena offers a small smile but she doesn’t respond. Kara goes to her bedroom where she put the flowers and the chocolate so Lena wouldn’t see.

“I’m really sorry Lena. I know this doesn’t change anything,” Kara says as she shows her the flowers and the chocolate, “but I really wanted to give you something nice as an apology. I’m just so glad that you are here and we are okay.”

Lena takes them in her hands. She smells the flowers, her cheeks more red than usual.

“It’s lovely. Thank you, Kara.”

Annoying tears are behind Kara’s eyes, ready to spill. Now, it isn’t the right time to cry and she doesn’t. Lena notices anyway.

“Hey, come here,” she says and she takes Kara in her arms. “We are fine, I’m not going anywhere.”

Kara can’t hold it back anymore and some tears fall. Lena wipes them away and Kara can’t handle the way she’s looking at her right now. It is the same look that she gave her last week when they were in her bed. It’s confusing because Kara loves her so much and she doesn’t know what to do with something so soft as Lena’s eyes.

“There is something that I also want to apologize for,” Lena says after a while. They are sitting on the couch again but this time Kara’s head rests on Lena’s shoulder. Someone could say that they are almost cuddling. “When you said these things to me, I got angry and I said something that I didn’t mean to.”

“Don’t worry about it. It was my fault.”

“Let me finish. I used some words to describe what happened between us that don’t reflect how I feel. I’m sorry about that.”

Kara knows what she means because it was so painful to hear it and it kept playing in her mind all week. Lena said she fucked her and not in a playful way, it wasn’t a joke. She said it like having sex with Kara meant nothing to her and why would it? Lena isn’t in love with her, it was just attraction.

“It’s okay, you were angry.” Kara closes her eyes and snuggles more into Lena, wrapping her arms around her friend. “Thank you for saying that.”

They spend some time like that and when it’s time for Lena to leave, Kara almost asks her to stay. She doesn’t, it’s too soon. Maybe next week. So, Kara falls asleep alone imagining how it was when Lena was holding her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Thanks for the comments and the kudos! I have already written a part of this story so I will try to update once a week.

Kara arrives at the bar that they are supposed to meet, she hasn’t seen any of her friends for two weeks, except Nia because they work together. She has missed her sister and the moment she sees her, Kara rushes to hug her. Sam is here, which is weird because that’s the second time in a row that Alex invites Sam at their night out.

“How is everything with Lena?” Alex asks when they get their drinks. It’s just the three of them for now.

“What happened with Lena?” Sam asks with a smirk on her face.

“Nothing we… we had a fight but it’s nothing. We’re good.” Kara can’t hide her smile.

“Oh, that explains everything,” Sam says.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say it wasn’t a good week to be around her,” Sam says.

“You saw Lena?”

She must have sounded accusatory because Sam starts laughing.

“Don’t be jealous, it was a work thing. No one is going to steal your girl.”

Alex starts laughing too and it’s annoying. She’s not jealous, Sam can spend time with Lena if she wants and it’s not important that they used to be girlfriends.

“She isn’t my girl.” It’s a good thing that she’s isn’t drunk right now because she wouldn’t manage to sound nonchalant as she says these words.

Sam’s amused smirk doesn’t go away, she just looks at Alex. It’s like they are both thinking about the same joke without telling Kara.

Kara turns to look around and Lena is standing in the other side of the bar. She hasn’t noticed their table yet.

“Oh, Lena is here,” Kara is desperately trying and failing to not sound too excited about it. No one can blame her, she hasn’t seen Lena for almost 24 hours and she is still sad that they didn’t wake up together. But Sam and Alex find it so amusing for some reason.

Kara doesn’t have time for that now. She walks towards Lena, who smiles at her the moment she sees her. It’s warm and inviting and Kara wraps her arms around of her, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Hey, I’m so glad you are here,” she mumbles into her neck.

“I’m glad that I’m here too.”

Kara fights the urge to take Lena’s hand as she leads her to the table. She hugs Alex and Sam and then she returns to Kara’s side. She puts an arm around her waist, playing with the material of her sweater. It’s selfish but Kara is really happy to have most of Lena’s attention when they are going out. Kara rarely brought a date to a group activity but this hasn’t been always true for Lena. Sam had become an almost permanent member of the group for a short period of time when she was dating Lena. James, well, he was already part of the group. It’s not that Lena ignored her when she had a date, it was more likely to ignore the other person to talk to Kara but still it’s nice to have all of her attention.

Nia and Brainy arrive and then James and Winn. Lena greets everyone, including James. It’s a good thing that they can be friends or at least the kind of friends they are now. Before they started dating, they used to spend time together, now they only see each other with the rest of their friends.

It makes Kara feel warm inside being out with all her friends. They drink and talk and Lena is by her side. She has been so stressed all week that this normal Saturday feels like a dream.

She finds herself alone with Lena when they go to get more drinks. As she sips on her whisky neither of them shows any intention of going back to their friends soon. The bar is full of people now that push them close to each other. They somehow start dancing a little and Kara realizes that once again she had too much to drink. She tried to not stare at her friend the whole night but now it’s impossible. She’s gorgeous with her tight black jeans and that low cut top. She was wearing a sweater before but she took it off. Lena has a hand on her waist as they dance.

There is this need, this desire to pull her closer and kiss her again like she did last week. Maybe if she just didn’t say anything, if she just let it happen, they would be kissing again tonight and maybe they would have been kissing all week. Having Lena as her girlfriend would make her so happy, but what if after six months of casually dating they wouldn’t even be friends. Because Lena doesn’t commit in relationships, she keeps it casual even if she lets others call her their girlfriend.

Kara can’t deny however that Lena is looking at her the same way she looked at her moments before they kissed. They can’t have the same misunderstandings again.

“What if something happens again? I don’t want us to fight,” Kara says really close to Lena’s ear, so her friend can hear her over the loud music.

Lena’s eyes widen and for one more time, Kara can trace disbelief there.

“We’ll still be friends. I won’t push you away,” Lena reassures her.

“But that’s exactly what you did with-“

“We’re talking about you and me now,” Lena doesn’t let her finish. “You’ll always be my best friend.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Lena smiles and there is something that feels off about her smile. It isn’t exactly sad. Kara wants to kiss it away and bring back the smile she had when they were in her bed. She doesn’t and after a while they go back to their friends.

They meet for lunch on Tuesday and something has changed. Maybe it’s the admission that they both consider the possibility of something happening again. Kara hasn’t stopped thinking about Lena all this time, how it would feel to kiss her one more time, how it would feel if she touched her… No, she can’t go there, especially with Lena sitting in front of her.

Lena looks so good in her work clothes even if Kara doesn’t understand how heels and pencils skirts are practical for the lab.

“We have plans for Friday, right?” Lena asks without meeting Kara’s eyes. Her voice is lower than usual.

“Yeah. Of course,” Kara says and honestly she was trying to find the courage to ask about it for the last thirty minutes.

“Do you want to go out or you can come over,” Lena says with an even tone.

“I think I would like to come over.”

It doesn’t have to mean anything but of course it does and this is how Kara finds herself shaving in the shower before meeting Lena. She also choses cute underwear for no particular reason. Now, that Lena has promised that they will stay friends no matter what, she doesn’t have to be anxious about something happening between them. Maybe it was stupid to think that Lena would leave her after having sex, just because it caused problems in her relationships with other people it doesn’t mean that it will ruin her relationship with Kara. It can be a good thing actually, to have sex as friends without worrying about the consequences. Also, Lena is her safe space and Kara can’t imagine feeling more comfortable with anyone else.

Lena looks pretty and lovely as always when she opens the door, in her leggings and sweater, almost like every other Friday night. Almost because something has changed, maybe it’s the way they hug each other for a little longer than usual, or being conscious about Lena’s breath on her neck.

They order pizza and drink a significantly less amount of alcohol than the last time Kara was here. When Kara helps Lena put the dishes in the dishwasher – okay, there was not much to do she just wanted to follow Lena to the kitchen - she notices something unusual on the counter. Flowers that have lost their color and a lot of their petals, the same flowers that Kara gave her a week ago. Kara didn’t even know that Lena owned a vase for flowers.

“You kept the flowers?”

Lena who immediately avoids her gaze and rushes to open the dishwasher answers with a small voice.

“I forgot to throw them away.”

“If I knew you liked flowers that much, I would have gotten you new ones,” Kara says.

Lena turns around, slightly blushing and without meeting her eyes.

“Oh, I would have… I think… I would have liked that,” Lena admits with a small smile.

She makes Lena flustered and nervous for some reason, she’s probably still upset about the week they spent without talking to each other. It was hell and Kara is glad that they are past this now.

“Hey Lena,” she says when she’s standing in front of her, “I’m so glad that I’ve got to spend another Friday night with you.”

Lena examines her face closely, searching for something.

“You are so confusing,” she says looking directly at Kara’s eyes.

Kara has never been brave, has always waited from others to make a move and she has always avoided difficult conversations. So, her next words come as a surprise even to herself.

“It doesn’t have to be. The other night, it was… great. At least till I ruined everything.”

The intention is clear, now it’s up to Lena to decide.

“You want this. Again.” Lena doesn’t ask, she just states it.

“Only if you want _me_ too.”

Now it’s Kara’s turn to look away but Lena doesn’t let her, she cups her cheek and pulls her closer. Oh, this is going to happen again. They are so close to each other, it would be so easy to kiss her and that’s exactly what she does. Lena’s lips are on hers and the world disappears around them, nothing else exists at the moment. Lena is sweat in the way she kisses Kara but it also makes Kara know how much she wants her. It fills her with confidence.

She breaks the kiss and she can she on Lena’s face that she is about to complain when she takes her hand and leads her to the bedroom. She kisses her again with more force, she bites her bottom lip and Lena leaves a sound that make Kara push her to her bed. Lena is beautiful as she lays there and Kara leans on top of her. She wants her out of her clothes and this time she isn’t drunk. There is something inside of her that tells her that Lena will let her do whatever she wants.

Kara takes her sweater off and her leggings as Lena pushes her body up to assist. So much skin in front of her, she feels a pressure in her core. Kara is wet and she wonders if Lena is too. No, she has to go slow, to take care of her like Lena did two weeks ago. She wears a black lace bra and it looks amazing but she wants it off. Soft lips are on her again as Lena pulls her down. She leaves open mouthed kisses on her neck and then goes lower. She pushes her hands under Lena to unclasp her bra and when she takes it off, she can’t stop herself from staring.

“You like me, don’t you?” Lena teases but it comes out more self-consciously than she had probably intended. 

“You are so beautiful, Lena.” This is her best friend almost naked, under her and Kara hasn’t been that mesmerized from anything else in her life. Lena’s body draws her eyes like a magnet and she can’t have it in herself to be embarrassed right now when Lena lies there naked only for her.

Lena pushes her lightly and she sits back. She starts working on the buttons of her shirt and Kara realizes that she’s still dressed. From her fervent movements, it’s obvious that Lena wants to see all of her as much as she did. She’s out of her clothes before she knows. It isn’t the first time that she has been that undressed in front of Lena.

“I didn’t know you had this kind of underwear,” Lena says.

“I only wear them on certain occasions.”

“And when it is that?” Her deep and playful tone does something to her.

“When I know that someone else will take them off.” She didn’t just say that to her best friend but apparently, she did.

Lena takes up to the challenge and takes her bra off. She is also braver than Kara because she immediately cups her breast. She stares into green eyes and a moment of recognition passes. This is them, Kara and Lena and they are doing this. Lena is naked in front of her and Kara loves her, she loves her so much. She also wants her, all the logic disappears from her mind every time she kisses her, every time she takes her to bed. Kara averts her gaze, looking down. Lena takes her hand back.

“Hey Kara, are you okay? We can stop now,” a worried and soft voice says.

“I don’t want to stop. I’m just nervous I guess.”

“Why? We’ll still be friends afterwards, I promise.” Lena reaches for her hand and squeezes.

“I haven’t done this before,” Kara admits with a low voice. Lena knows of course, they are best friends and she’s sure that she told her the same last time.

“No, baby don’t worry about that. I just want you to feel good.” The endearing word and Lena’s soft tone don’t escape Kara. Everything that she says, shows how much she cares, the ways she talks, the way she touches her. It melts Kara. Lena doesn’t want anything in return, she’s happy to go to sleep like that with Kara in her arms.

“I want to make you to feel good too.”

“You do?” She meets surprised green eyes.

“Yeah, I’m just so nervous that you won’t like it.” This is what Kara was afraid and she finally admits it. Lena has had sex with people who knew what they were doing and Kara had never even seen a naked girl before.

“Oh, Kara, it didn’t even cross my mind. I mean there is nothing that you could do that I wouldn’t like.” She smiles. “Unless you tried to make it bad on purpose.”

Does Lena like her that much? Kara understands, seeing Lena like that, touching her, being close to her, turns her on more than anything else in her life.

“So, can I touch you?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” she sounds excited.

Kara nods for Lena to lie down and she does. She breathtaking, with her dark hair splayed on the pillow, her hard nipples, her curves. Kara can look at her for hours. She can trace the nervousness that comes from her, in the way her left hand holds the sheets, in the way she looks at her exposed skin and not at Kara.

Kara comes closer and she pecks her lips, her jaw. She continues lower, unsure of herself. Desire is the only thing that drives her to take a nipple in her mouth. She does it slow, at first she barely brushes it with her tongue, making Lena shiver. The effect that she has on her best friend feels unreal. When she feels brave enough, she sucks and pinches the other one with her hand.

Lena has her hand on the back of her head, putting the smallest amount of pressure to show her that she’s here. It grounds Kara. She’s nervous but she quickly realizes that she isn’t afraid. She feels safe in a way that she hadn’t in any previous sexual experience. Not that the other times were bad, far from it, it’s just that this is Lena. Lena who would never hurt her, Lena who would always look after her, Lena who would always protect her, Lena who loves her.

She’s soft and warm and smooth and Kara loses herself on her skin. She ignores the need from her core and focuses on this beautiful girl. The one who for some inexplicable reason, not only wants to be her best friend but also wants to have sex with her.

The thought of going lower crosses her mind but she decides against it. It will be easier if she stares at Lena’s eyes, if her mouth is close. She starts stroking her thigh as she finds her lips again. She’s not in the mood to tease, maybe another time when she is less anxious. She takes Lena panties off. Τhe moment she touches her, Lena makes a small sound. She’s probably doing something right. She starts rubbing Lena’s clit in circles.

“Does it feel good?”

“Yeah, it feels amazing. You can go inside if you want,” Lena says between quick breaths.

She touches Lena’s folds experimentally and she’s drenched.

“You are so wet. For me?” The question comes out more surprised than it should be. She’s the only other person in the room so it’s obvious that it is for her.

Lena bites her lip almost shyly like they are not naked in bed right now.

“For you,” she says with a low voice.

Kara pushes two fingers inside easily, she goes slow but Lena is so ready for her. It’s overwhelming being inside of her.

“You feel so good, Lena.”

_You feel so good Lena, I love you_ , is what she wants to say. She stops herself. Lena knows that she loves her, as a friend. Saying it right now would give her the wrong impression. They found a way to do this without destroying their friendship, Kara’s feelings can’t be expressed right now.

She finds a pace that she hopes is alright but judging from Lena’s sounds and expression it seems like she enjoys it. She finds the spot that causes the greater reaction out of her.

“Tell me what to do,” Kara says softly.

“Touch my clit but don’t take your fingers out.”

She does with her thumb and Lena leaves another sound that Kara loves. She kisses her, pushes her tongue in her mouth. It doesn’t take long for Lena to start trembling but Kara holds her down with her body. She clenches around her fingers and she’s gorgeous like that, only for Kara.

She continues slowly as Lena comes down and only then she takes out her fingers. Before realizing what she’s doing, she licks her fingers.

“Fuck, Kara. Give me a break.” She laughs.

Lena’s eyes are blown.

Kara is so worked up right now, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She curls up to Lena’s side, holding her, her face on her neck. She feels small. This is how Lena slept the other night, and she was smiling. The smell of Lena, her skin on hers. Yes, she could probably sleep like that.

But Lena shifts to look at her.

“You are so pretty like that, in my arms, in my bed.”

She hugs her as she moves on top of her. Her thigh goes accidentally or not between her legs and Kara’s hips goes up, searching for friction. Every part of their bodies is touching and Kara is lost.

“I will make you feel so good.”

“Please.”

Lena finds her eyes, an amused smile on her lips. She would have been so embarrassed saying please to anyone else during sex. Again, this is Lena, who is looking at her with soft eyes like she can’t believe that this so happening.

Her movements are slow and loving as she goes down. She’s stroking her thighs as she takes her underwear off and it must be so wet. She’s trembling and Lena’s softness could make her cry if she loses focus.

“Baby, you are so beautiful.”

Lena is between her legs but she’s not touching her yet. She finds Kara’s hand and intertwines their fingers . Kara didn’t know how much she needed that comfort until Lena gave it to her. She leaves open mouthed kisses on her thighs and it seems like she could continue teasing for much longer but Kara’s whine puts an end to it.

She feels a tongue on her clit, Lena is soft and slow and careful. Kara is so sensitive down there that she usually can’t take much. She sucks slowly and nice and Kara thinks that she’ll die. The sight of Lena between her legs takes her breath away. Green eyes look up at her to make sure that she is okay. Kara knows that this is the reason. Lena doesn’t let her hand for a moment as she pushes two fingers inside of her. She can hear how wet she is.

Lena works her up until it feels too much.

“Just your fingers please.”

Lena takes her mouth off her immediately and continues with a quicker pace, thrusting in and out of her, making obscene wet noises. She knows what’s coming and she closes her unable to keep them open. It’s too much and not enough.

She opens them again when she feels the release and she sees liquid coming out of her. Lena can’t take her eyes from what’s happening as she continues with her fingers. When she’s done, Lena comes up to kiss her. 

She rests her face on Kara’s chest and for one moment, everything is perfect. They exist in the same space, with no rules. She feels so good, so deeply satisfied. Lena clings to her, holds her so tight like she is afraid she is going to leave. Kara would never. Where else she would like to be?

“I think I messed up you bed,” Kara says and she laughs. She can feel the wetness on the sheets.

Lena laughs and looks at her.

“You messed up my brain far worse with that thing that you did,” she teases.

“If you liked it that much, I’ll let you do it again.” They both laugh at the words that doesn’t sound like Kara at all.

“Hey, do you want anything?” Lena asks as she leaves the bed. Kara tries not to whine at the loss of contact. “A shower maybe?”

“No, thanks. I’m good.” She doesn’t really sweat and the only thing on her skin is Lena and she is in no rush to wash her away.

But she follows Lena because she has to find something to wear. It’s so weird being so casually naked in front of each other. Now that the arousal is gone, Kara fights the urge to cover herself. She finds the cute clothes that she usually sleeps in when she stays here. Lena washes them and puts them in the same drawer. She waits for Lena to come out of the bathroom in order to go herself. Lena didn’t have a shower either.

They soon find themselves in bed with Lena spooning her, her face on Kara’s necks. She leaves soft kisses there and Kara wishes she could sleep like that every night.

“You won’t say anything stupid tomorrow?” A frighten and small voice, that couldn’t possibly belong to her best friend, says

“No Lena, I promise.”

In response Lena holds her tighter.

“What are you going to do today?” Lena asks during breakfast.

“I hope you remember that Nia invited us to her place.” They usually meet with their friends on Saturdays because everyone is so busy during the week but Lena sometimes forgets what exactly they have planned.

“I remember. I meant the rest of the day.”

“I thought… you know since I’m here and this is what we always do. I brought clothes for tonight and I was hoping-“

“You are welcome to stay. Why you are suddenly so shy about it?”

The truth is that she always stays when she doesn’t have something that needs to be done on her day off. It’s a routine that Kara loves. Friday nights are spent with Lena and when they are able to, they spend the next day together too. In the evening, they usually see all of their friends. Kara loves her weekends like that, it gives her power to push through the week. It’s nice that she doesn’t have to ask, that she doesn’t have to try to make plans, that she has a group of people that she knows that they want to spend time with her. The possibility of ending up alone always made her nervous.

“I don’t know.” She locks her eyes on her plate.

This conversation isn’t unusual, they never assume that the other one doesn’t have plans, they always ask. Of course, there were times that it was common for one of them to have plans but now they are both single. Kara remembers what bad taste it left in her mouth when she had to go because James would come later and then she had to see them arriving together at the place they were supposed to meet. Kara herself usually went home. She’s not as busy as Lena and she had time for dates on Sundays or during the week.

“You promised.” It takes Kara by surprise how sad she sounds.

Kara rushes at the other side of the table and takes Lena in her arms. She presses her face on Kara’s chest.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I’m not doing that again,” she hurries to reassure her. “You are right I feel a little shy but that’s normal I guess.”

“No, it’s my fault, I panicked,” Lena says.

Kara feels so guilty because it isn’t Lena’s fault. She is the one who made her best friend feel like that, she is the one who threw awful words at her.

“It’s okay.”

Kara wants to kiss her, to hold her, to make her feel better, to promise her that she’ll never hurt her again. She doesn’t do any of these things. She can’t kiss Lena whenever she wants. They had sex because they felt they need to do so but that doesn’t mean she has the right to kiss Lena, she’s not her girlfriend.

They arrive at Nia’s 40 minutes late and everyone is already there. It was so comfortable cuddling at the couch that they forgot the time. Actually, that’s a lie because Kara saw what time it was on her phone but she didn’t say anything. She won’t have a chance to be this close to Lena for at least a week so it’s not like she has a choice. Leaving Lena is impossible.

“Where have you been? We were waiting for you to start.” Alex says as she opens the door. She hugs her sister and then Lena.

“I was sleeping,” she lies.

“No, you weren’t,” Alex teases.

“The important thing is that we are here now,” Lena says.

It isn’t a big deal that they are late, Alex just likes to make fun of her when she’s with Lena. They enter the apartment and they greet their friends. Sam isn’t here this time.

They have board games on the table and a lot of drinks. They usually mix the rules of classic games with drinking games. When someone doesn’t know the answer to a question, they do a shot. This is how everyone ends up wasted in two hours and they decide to stop.

“How is everything with Lena?” Alex asks. She looks at Lena who is currently talking with the boys in the other side of the room. Alex must have forgot that Nia is right next to her because she shouldn’t have said that in front of her.

“What happened?” Nia asks.

Kara is not in the mood to answer any of these questions so she asks her own.

“How is everything with Sam?”

“Oh, this is how you want to play,” Alex says with a smirk on her face. “Well, we hang out a lot lately.”

“I don’t see why you spend so much time with Lena’s ex.”

“Oh, this is better than Netflix,” Nia says mostly to herself. Kara doesn’t even look at her.

“You know that’s your problem, that she was dating Lena and you don’t. It’s the same problem you have with James.”

“I don’t have a problem with James,” Kara says but she can’t convince even herself with her words.

“Look Kara,” her sister softens, “I’m not saying that to annoy you and if it comes out wrong, it is because we had a few drinks. You spend all of your time with her, she looks at you like you are the sun in the sky, you know she’s into girls, I don’t see why you torture yourself.”

“It will be a disaster Alex, I can’t trust her like that.” She feels the need to get out of here.

“I can see why you say that,” her sister admits, “It’s your decision.”

“You are wrong Kara,” Nia, who is apparently still here, says. “Every relationship needs work. You are just afraid to try.”

This is too much and Kara leaves them behind to get another drink and before she knows it Lena is by her side. She’s smiling and she’s so cute in her dress.

“Are you having fun?” Kara asks.

“It was really fun beating all of you several times.” She laughs and it’s the most beautiful sound and Kara is certainly drunk once again.

“I won a few times.”

“Yeah, when we were on the same team.”

They are always on the same team but some games don’t require teams. Actually, this is the only reason that Kara isn’t as wasted as the others.

“I like your hair like that.” She has her hair straight and down and Kara runs her fingers through the tips.

“Oh, thanks,” Lena blushes and it is absurd. They were naked yesterday when Kara told her how beautiful she looks, unable to take her eyes off her tits.

Alex and Nia are looking at them from the couch. Maybe she’s that obvious and it’s pointless to deny that she doesn’t want Lena for real. But in a way she has Lena. They are best friends and they are having sex. That’s pretty much what dating means. In this way Lena won’t leave her and even if she dates someone else at some point, she will come back to her. Also, it’s not like Lena has ever expressed any interest in dating her anyway.

Lena hesitantly reaches for her hand, like Kara would ever not give it to her. Kara loves the contact, it makes her forget these confusing thoughts. She’s here with Lena and all of her friends and that’s what matters.

The worst moment of the night and probably of the whole weekend is when she has to say goodbye to Lena. It’s unfair that she can’t take her home with her but at least no else does either. It isn’t really her place to demand something like that from Lena and she won’t. It’s just impossible to stop these ideas from forming in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](https://myconceptreality.tumblr.com/) .


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